Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Therapy

After the first post, I received a multitude of responses, from, "This is hysterical," to "Maybe you should forgive and let go." Let me be clear: This blog is about venting, sharing and letting go of the frustration generated when we have to deal with pain in the pooper people such as my PSIL...have I told you her name? Used defamatory insults? Would I ever be sued for libel? No.

After the most recent issue with my PSIL, my own sister said, "That's horrible! Didn't anyone say something to her?" The answer is no. As a family, we have been side-stepping all of her bad behavior in fear of further backlash. I think her own husband is afraid her! My MIL is afraid the grandchildren will be kept from her (which has happened in the past), my husband doesn't want to damage the relationship with his brother, and even when I have suggested that she is in the wrong, watch out...my PSIL is never wrong, it is always someone else's fault and she has an amazing ability to turn any conversation into a conspiracy theory about how my MIL is trying to tear the family apart.

Many years ago, I saw an Oprah episode which gave me one of those ah-ha moments. She said, "People treat you the way you let them treat you." By no one saying anything about my PSIL's bad behavior, we have, in fact, enabled her and allowed her to treat the people in our family poorly time and time again.

As women, we are taught to be the better person, to turn the other cheek, ignore, deny and hide from problems. We do this until our day to day happiness is nonexistent. Instead of dealing with our feelings and acknowledging them (say, in a blog), we bottle them up. And when we've reached our breaking point, we end up paying thousands of dollars for actual therapy where the therapist says, "You have every right to be angry, every right to be hurt, to be frustrated. Have you discussed your feelings with her? Perhaps you should journal your feelings" (say, in a blog?)

Again, this blog is about venting, sharing and letting go of frustration. It is no different than calling up a girlfriend and dropping a few f-bombs for the simple sake of getting it off your chest.

When reading this blog, you should be able to laugh and shake your head, "Yes, I know what she's talking about!" Then share one of your own stories, glowing with exhilaration that you are not alone in feeling hurt, threatened, or utterly stunned by the bad behavior of the PSIL's in your own family. If you can't do that, then this blog probably isn't for you.

3 comments:

Maples77 said...

I feel your pain; my PSIL is a police officer and since she realized that I was a "permanent fixture" she has done some damage. We have moved out of the country and now live in Canada, partly because how do you deal with a PSIL with a badge? What bothers me the most is that she has my MIL wrapped around her finger and has totally ruined my our relationship with them.

Amanda and Jason Barlow said...
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Unknown said...
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